News to share...

Possibly tomorrow... (-:

Itchin'

I have an itchin' to do some knittin'. Must be the cold weather but I need to unpack my knitting needles and get movin'
I want to at least make the boys hats for Christmas. I'm starting late this year because I'm a super slow knitter.
I love making people I love homemade gifts..I hope it shows how much I care because it usually takes me forever to get a project done.
I was hoping to have a totally homemade Christmas but with the move(and possibly moving again before the holidays) it won't happen this year.

My birthday

My birthday was great! I hinted before I had asked for a Bosch mixer. Well, Darryl said he couldn't buy me an appliance for my birthday but said I could just buy it if our family needs it-Yeah!! I'm ordering it today!! But, he did totally surprise me when he bought me a beautiful bracelet. It is silver and has charms you place on it for events in your life. He bought me a heart to symbolize our love, the boys birthstone, and our birthstone...it is beautiful!




Then he took me to a Mexican restaurant for lunch because apparently they hoot, whistle and holler when it's your birthday-as well as give you silly hats to wear. We then went home to get ready for the boys baseball game. I love watching the boys play baseball. We did have to take Nicholas out of the game though-which the coach from the opposing team did not get. You see, Nicholas was having some character and heart issues. The coach had put him in outfield because he switches them around periodically. Well, Nicholas started crying. Now, if this was the first time we could understand he may be confused..but it's not. We have repeatedly talked to him about being a team player, not being prideful, and being considerate of others feelings. How will the other children feel that are always in the outfield if he cries everytime he's put out there?



It shows them that they are in a bad players and not important. It makes me very upset when he does this. We've talked and talked with him about this. Last game when he cried because he thought he was going out into the outfield the coach gave in and put him back on second base. Oh boy! Was I mad..but I didn't say anything and we just talked with him again at the end of the game. So, it was comin' to Jesus time for Nicholas...he started crying this last game and would not stop making a little bit of a scene out there in outfield. The kids finished the inning and were coming into bat and we pulled him out of the rest of the game. He was shocked and cried and cried! He couldn't believe we would actually pull him out. So, him and I sat in the car for awhile and talked about what happened and why it happened. How we love him and how we really needed to nip this in the bud. How he wasn't being like Jesus and how our sinful natures can sometimes get the best of us. I let him cool down a bit and went to the dugout to talk with Darryl and the opposing teams coach was right there. He couldn't believe we pulled him out and thought is was dumb(he thinks the twins are really good players). I told him that baseball didn't matter, my son's heart and character matter. Well, I felt bad about that afterwards because I was acting superior and I had just reprimanded Nicholas for the same thing...gosh...Mommy screwed up too...



Nicholas calmed down and we came to an understanding about how to make this right. He sat with me near the home plate to cheer on his team and it was alright after that.



It ended up being a wonderful birthday and although I dislike having those moments, I'm glad it worked out and hope that through those moments, God's grace and mercy will reflect through me and resonate with my kids...

Seriously...

How do you move back into a town for one month and accumulate $9 in library fines?..
I'm movin' back to Concord so I don't have to pay(just kidding)
I like when they actually stamp the date on the book like in older library systems(like Concord)...
I don't like when they just give you a printout which I'm sure to lose and expect you to remember when the books are due...dang technology...

Sometimes I wish...

Maybe it's the onset of a new birthday that gets my mind to thinkin'
I wish I would have been a little crazier in my 20's..now don't get me wrong I was pretty crazy in some respects. People that knew me then and know me now would say I was crazy and really had some pretty crazy ideas. Like the time I convinced Darryl we MUST move to Vegas and become blackjack dealers. I was convinced(in my mind of course) that we could work for 5 years, make a ton of money and buy a house in some Western mountain town cash...I hadn't thought of the fact that I was only 19 or 20 at the time and wasn't even legal to gamble yet. We headed to Vegas on an apartment hunt, picked out an apartment, spent way to many days gambling and then decided we didn't like it any more. Or the time, I almost had him convinced we should be over the road team truck drivers so we could travel and make money. That one didn't pan out either. Or the time I was convinced we were going to move to Colorado even though we've never been there. I even went back to school to get more hours into my cosmetology licence so I could immediately work when we got there. I went back to school for 200 hours(after working a full time job doing hair at a salon), finished my schooling, gave my 2 weeks notice to the salon, told all my clients...then decided it was bad idea...
So, I've had my share of crazy ideas and desires to do some crazy things...but I still wish I would have tried some of them.
I kindof wish we lived in a hippy commune for a year...
I kindof wish we moved to NYC for a year(I almost convinced him of that as well)...
I kindof wish we lived with the Amish for a bit...
I kindof wish we were like those railway kids that hop on different trains(think hobo) and just explore different cities-you see alot of these kids in Asheville(I think that's pretty cool minus the living on the street part)...
I kindof wish we sold everything, bought a huge bus and traveled around the U.S. where we could make some sort of useful something to sell, Darryl could grow a beard and I could let my hair become dreadlocks.
I kindof wish we lived in a Thomas Kincaid painting...

Are my farm fantasies another crazy idea I'm dragging my family into? I subscribe to all the right magazines-Hobby Farm, Mary Janes Farm, Mother Earth News...I tried to get chickens legalized in Concord, I cook from scratch and support local farmers and businesses even if it means I pay more out of pocket....this one has outlasted all of my other crazy ideas-is it just determination...don't know.

If we don't do it, will I wish someday we did?

I hope the boys always follow there dreams, even if they are crazy like mine...
I hope they think that there mom is always full of ideas, loves to learn and a forever dreamer...
I hope that Darryl's dreams come true...
I hope that I never give up dreaming....

Some more maze pictures

A beautiful sunsetting at a beautiful place...

I Choose Joy!!!

Recipe for a stressed family

1 chilly, beautiful fall day + 1 fun family excursion= A much needed break from the craziness that is home shopping.

You would think I'm a hypocrite when seeing my blog's name is I Choose Joy with the way I've been acting lately...it's been anything but that for me lately.

Yesterday morning I had a breakdown. Between crying about our situation to being downright mean and disrespectful to my husband it was a bad morning. I said things to Darryl I didn't mean and so wish I could take them back. I was so awful to him in the things that I said. All of the work I've done this year in trying to be a better wife in how I speak to him and the respect and love I show went out the window. The devil had a field day with me yesterday morning. He has slowly been creeping back and stealing my heart away from where it needs to be focused which is the Lord and my family. I've noticed with being out of church and being so busy with other things instead of reading my Bible, he has taken up residence. My quiet times with the Lord have been rushed these last couple of weeks so I could hurry and get on the computer to start researching new homes and land. I have written on our white board Phil 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

But even though I see this every morning, I've yet to follow it....it seems instead of praying I was worrying and feeling down. The devil wants me to be busy with other things. He wants me to find faults in my husband and call him out on them...instead of seeing the wonderful man he is to me...I don't deserve him...

Well, after I got it all out yesterday, Darryl asked if I've been trusting God and putting my faith in him. I said no....he gave me a hug and loved me even after all my ugliness to him and told me to have faith...

So, we decided to scrap it all and have some much needed family fun time. We went to the Amazing Corn Maze in Rural Hill. I've always thought this would be a fun family event but every year we passed it up. Well, this year was different. We bundled up(it was in the low 50's outside) and headed out to Rural Hill. It was so beautiful there. What a treasure amidst all the subdivisions and shopping centers in Huntersville. It was unspoiled, preserved land and it was beautiful. We had to fill a map with puzzle pieces to finish the maze and it took us 2 hours 11 minutes. Certainly, not a record by any means but we had a great time working as a team to figure it out. The boys played with the riding tractors after we were done with the maze and then we went out to eat(which at this point really isn't very special because we've had to eat out so much lately) but we all really cherished the time together and I was so grateful just to hold my husband's hand and cuddle my boys.
It was a wonderful day and I feel blessed.








The maze is 7 acres!



Nicholas navigating for us...



Now it's Matthew's turn...

We made it!!! Our last puzzle piece!!


My blessings...

This is going to be a sad, ugly post

But I need to get this off my chest. I feel absolutely horrible right now. I've been off and on crying all day...
What have I done? Why have we moved so much? I feel like we've ruined the boys childhood. I wanted to give them a warm, comforting home with lots of memories and traditions. And what have I given them? The ability to pack up and leave constantly. The ability to leave friends and have new beginnings. They have for 2 years cried over leaving our old neighborhood. Why? Because it's what they knew. It was home to them. They felt comfortable there. They had friends, church, and security. We picked up and left for what we felt like better opportunities with a new school....it didn't work out...we had some good memories but some really, really bad ones as well and I hope to have left them there in our home we just sold...
But, as I sit tonight thinking....I'm distraught. How many more Christmas' and Halloweens do I have before they are gone? I want them to remember them as special times. I want them to look back on our traditions with warm feelings in their hearts. I grew up with no traditions..maybe that's why I'm so big on them now. How can we have traditions when every year it seems we live somewhere new? These precious boys have absolutely no comfort or stability in where they live right now and it's our fault. Every weekend we spend riding around and riding around..today for over 6 hours looking at homes and land. We've spend countless hours and days doing this since as far as I can remember and I'm so sick of it and I know they are sick of it. Is it too late? Do we just move back into a subdivision? Our old neighborhood? A new one? Where do we go?
I'm scared for them to make new friends now and then we leave again. They had a special friend in our old neighborhood(Laurie you know who I'm talking about) that they still talk about to this day. How much they loved playing with him how he is there best friend. That makes me so sad...that we took that away from them 2 years ago for what we thought was best. Gosh...I'm so sick of having so much regret over everything..why can't I just get it right... ever...
Do I still have time to make it right and how do I make it right?
I love them so much I want to do what is right for them....

Christmas dilemma

O.k. I have my first Christmas dilemma of the year. Nicholas has decided to write his Christmas letter to Santa early because he is positively sure of what he wants for Christmas. This is how the letter goes:
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy all i want is like two toys i have wanted these toys for a long time can you please give me these toys they are expensive toys they are a dirt bike with an ingine and gas and Wii game with smash brothers
Love,
Nick
First and foremost, he created one long run on sentence and we have been working on sentence structure for weeks now(apparently he got so excited writing he forgot all of our grammar rules..lol..) ( I also didn't edit spelling for cuteness...)
Second, neither of these things do *I* want him to have for Christmas. I mean..a dirt bike...for an 8 year old!! He'll crack his head or break an arm or something. This is why he is obsessed with acreage lately-he wants to have a dirt bike soooo bad. And Darryl never disagrees with me when Nick brings the conversation up so I'm a lone soldier is this battle.
And the Wii-well...every single time we've been to a friends house that has Wii the boys go into a crazy obsessive state and they won't play with the other children, won't eat, won't do anything but play Wii. Now, maybe it's because we don't have it here at home but I worry. This could be a whining battle everyday if they can play Wii. And I don't believe in using things like that to bribe them to finish their schoolwork. So..what to do..I don't know. Secretly, I'd like to have the Wii fit to workout at home but I've noticed even in the apartment because we have cable now when we didn't have before-we are constantly turning the t.v. on now when before we didn't. I'm scared that will happen if we get the Wii.
I hate this pressure to get something because everyone else has it. I go against the grain with almost everything and it's tiring...
Maybe I can convince him he needs a new baseball bat instead....

Beautiful

When I found this picture online I had to have it for my blog. This reminds me so much of our beautiful N.C. mountains in the fall. When I picture heaven..this is it...

I'm hoping to spend my birthday this year up there again. It's all I usually ask for each year. A couple of times it has snowed!

I did ask (or hint..) for a Bosch mixer as well so we'll see...

An indecisive weekend

Well, we spent the weekend meeting with a builder, looking at homes, looking at land and more and more land..and homes...
At first it was really fun, but then it started getting old. We are all over the place on what we want and need to narrow it down a bit. Also, with all the foreclosures and short sales out there it is making it tempting to go that route. But through the frenzy as I sat in my quiet time this morning, I was wondering...are we going down the same route again? Getting caught up in the moment and not following the path we wanted to? It's so tempting to see a brand new beautiful home that 2 years ago WAY WAY out of our budget, now a bit more reachable. But, do we really want to stretch ourselves just to have that home? I like living very comfortably and not worrying about money. I like having money in the bank and savings accounts. I like being able to sign the boys up for piano and art and sports. Going down this road could lead to more stricter budgets. Not because we want to budget to save as much as possible(which is what I normally do-I'm very frugal) but because we would have to budget to make sure our bills would get paid...It's fun to dream but the reality is scary. I know lots and lots of people live within their means, in fact way below their means and I know alot of people struggle because they live way above their means and it causes stress in their marriage and stress in life. While I'm glad we moved because we truly never felt at home in the last home, it's hard to know where to go from here. Prices really haven't fallen as much as we thought(unless it's a cookie-cutter subdivision-those you can score incredible deals)...
We thought we would have our pickin' of beautiful lots and low cost homes and that really isn't the case. What we are finding is that unless it's a foreclosure or short sale where the folks just gave up(or had to give up) the home prices are still kindof high because people owe so much and they are so upside down on their homes. I can't in good conscience go into someones home where they live with their family and have memories and stories and low ball the price of their family home. I feel o.k. with it if it's already in foreclosure or a builder's house but I just can't do it the other way. I feel so bad for these people that are stuck with these huge mortgages praying that someone will pay these huge amounts for homes that aren't worth it anymore and may never be again.
So, we will continue to look and hopefully streamline our needs and desires in a home and stick with it regardless of what else pops up. I'm praying that the Lord will lead us in the right direction...

More apple pickin' pics...

Matthew as Miss Lady Apple.

Nicholas as Mr. Punkin'

Nini the bumblebee...

Angel face as Mr. Bumblebee

Matthew in a soybean maze...

We all had a great time with great friends and beautiful weather in a beautiful place!

Apple pickin'

Me pickin' some of my favorites-Rome apples!

Our family in the punkin' patch!

Matthew with a bunch of apples.

Ready to pick!

Good friends

I have been friends with Wendy since I was about 18..which means she was 20...

I claim her as mine but really she is both Darryl and my friend as we all worked together many years ago...and have lots of great and funny memories all together.

She is one of my oldest, dearest friends and although geography and life has kept us separated for many years-we are close again..both in geography..and in life.

I'm so grateful for a rekindling of our friendship. We met up last weekend for an apple pickin' excursion and a lovely, homemade dinner with both our families. Her man can cook some chicken (and potato salad......) I believe it was the first time she saw my twins in person(they are almost 8). Our children got along wonderfully...

She is on to new adventures in her life and I wish her the best and hope I can be a part of them now that we live close again.

Funny story I wanted to blog about though(it attests to my memory skills-or lack thereof)

This weekend, I noticed she was wearing an engagement ring. Now, I knew she was in a serious relationship, I knew she had mentioned possibly getting married, but I could not for the life of me remember if she had told me they had gotten engaged officially or not. So, I kept my mouth shut. Well, after the whole day together she asks if I'm going to congratulate her and I ask her for what?...lol...

She says the engagement and I then fessed up that I didn't remember if she had told me or not...we got a good laugh out of it...

I'm so grateful to have her here(well in the mountains but we all know how I love going there)

Love you Wendy!

A birthday boy...

These are pictures of my sweet, adorable, handsome husband on our annual apple pickin' trip this weekend.

Today, he turns 38 years old. We have been together since he was 23 and I was 18...

He still cracks me up almost daily. We still have tons of fun together. I love him deeply and thank God for him. He is a wonderful husband, an unbelievable father, and my best friend.

We were talking the other day about how we both feel like we are still in our early 20's...at times we act like it...and although we have a couple more wrinkles and some emerging gray hairs...I hope we never change...

I love you so much Darryl and I hope 38 is your best year yet!

Well, we went to look at a house last night. Darryl really wanted to see it because it was priced right and it had lake views from all around the house(it wasn't on the lake but across the street on kindof a peninsula type lot). I really was mildly interested in looking because it only had 3/4 of an acre and it was in a subdivision so my mini-farm dreams would have been put on the backburner. But, I wanted to support Darryl and if he and the boys really wanted this, who am I to stand in there way? Their dreams are just as important and we all have to agree and be happy. So, off we went to look at this house. It was nice, it had a nice kitchen, enough space and it did have beautiful views...but as we left and got into the car(I kept my mouth shut the whole time unless I mentioned positive things about the house) Darryl said he wasn't interested, it didn't feel like home-he wanted more space and more land-Yeah!!! So, last night we researched home builders and looked at some land online. I've got my eye on one property I'm hoping to go by on Thursday. This part of the process is so fun!!
I'll keep you updated!

With this being my blog I've wanted to share moments in my life and thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing in my life right now. With that said, I feel I needed to post this thought because it's what I'm thinking right now and feeling. This is about a family member. She doesn't read this blog so I feel comfortable in sharing this. I chose the name of this blog for a reason-I Choose Joy-why I did that because it didn't use to come easy for me....
You see last year(2008) I was at honestly the lowest point in my life. I truely felt such shame and regret from things I've done in my life that I couldn't cope. You see, I've run the gamet on trying to find the *answers* in life. I've always prayed and as an adult attend a myriad of churches from Orthodox(my childhood religion) to Catholic to Baptist and everything in between. I've dragged my family to every church I felt that could give me that solid faith I always believed was there but could never *get*....We've joined several churches in the process-enjoying fellowshiping with other Christians, learning about the Bible, and growing in our walk with the Lord..but still something was always missing.
So, back to last year, I'm at my lowest point. Overcome with regret and shame and feeling like I really couldn't cope. And then it changed, HE came for me...
I guess the answer was I really need to be humbled to the point of all self righteousness was completely erased so that I was shown that I did NEED HIM. I wasn't in control and no amount of stuffing things down or trying to make up for my wrong doings would work. He picked me up and showed me through a series of amazing events that I was forgiven. Simply because I asked and repented...HE forgave me. I finally got it...I finally experienced peace and understood that no matter what I had done, because of Jesus, I was totally and completely forgiven. I actually experienced the presence of God and it was truely amazing. For that gift, I am changed. I want to serve him because of what he's done for me. I deserve nothing. I deserved death..yet he made me alive again and for that I truely am grateful. My craziness was washed away, my shame washed away, my regret-while still present is just a reminder of his perfect grace.
So, back to this family member. I'm not sure if she's a Christian...I think she believes in God but I think that's as far as it goes. Last year during my low time we came to a crossroads in our relationship. My sins are my sins and I take complete responsibility for them, but during this low time I felt that she was contributing into bringing me farther and farther down a dark path. Could it be because her faith is not there and she doesn't understand things as well? I don't know....while I do love her and respect her.. .. I needed to break away. I needed to heal and I needed to surround myself with positive Christian people. Every time I talked to her it seems everything is so negative-CONSTANTLY and it drains me. I leave the phone conversation in a bad place. So, I stopped calling..and she stopped calling. We didn't talk but for once a month for awhile. I've gotten stronger in that time and feel peaceful and now when she calls I just pray for her and feel bad that her life is so unhappy. I finally asked her the other day if there was anything she was happy about. I think it was hard for her to even say one thing. Maybe the Lord is using me to help her see the blessings in each day, to Choose Joy, to be grateful for anything because we deserve nothing. I don't know...it's still a struggle to call her and when she calls...sometimes I just can't answer the phone. But, sometimes I can...and although our relationship looks totally different now than it ever has I'm open to the Lord using me to help save her and help her choose joy.

Well, we have settled into our temporary home in an apartment. The boys keep calling it a hotel room..I think that's pretty funny (-:

I keep telling them it's like we are camping(because we are living with the bare minimum here because it is a very small apartment and we have alot of things! ) I have a wire rack set up in the dining room with all my kitchen *essentials* because there isn't enough room in the kitchen for things like the juicer, Nutrimill, mixer, food processor, etc. I cook alot and these are necessary for me.

We closed on the house on Wednesday and I feel such a relief that it is over and thankful it was so quick. This has been the easiest home sale I've ever been able to experience thus far and can only attribute it to God's perfect timing.

So, on to new adventures. Not sure where the wind will blow us this time. New house here in Charlotte, a small farm, or a job landed somewhere else in the country. I think we will take this weekend to really think about what we really want and what we are looking for. I really, really hope this next move is the last until our children have grown. I really would like to settle down(I think I'm starting to grow up..which is kindof scary..lol...)