Monday, May 17, 2010

Sometimes I'm really ugly...

This weekend was so completely stressful and Darryl received the brunt of my wrath yesterday afternoon.
And you know what is completely and utterly disgusting about the whole situation?  The sermon at church was on marriage.  The pastor spoke about choosing to love in those moments when it's hard to love.  He spoke about beauty fading and life situations getting in the way of love.
     And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
                                                                                                 Colossians 3:14

     Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
                                                                                                 1 John 3:18

We were at the property yesterday afternoon and we had to flush the well of the chlorine we had put in it because of the bacteria that was found in the test results.  So, as I'm watching the hose and thinking about all the bazillion things I have to accomplish this week.  I'm fuming about just driving all the way to baseball practice to find that no one was there due to the rain.   I'm thinking about the stupid mistake I made on Saturday when I purchased six non-returnable chairs to the tune of $450.00 that don't fit our table(this definitely doesn't co-inside with my frugal nature-we were tired and it was an impulse purchase).  So, I'm thinking about all these things and fuming in my head and I notice the water stops running out of the hose connected to the well.  I start panicking and wondering why would the well just stop working?  Darryl comes over and admits he saw that happen late Thursday night and I freak out.  I wanted to know why he didn't address the situation then? 
Then it happened, the beast was released.  It was ugly, really ugly.  I didn't choose to love and create unity between us.  I wanted to act superior like I was smarter than him(which I am not).  I wanted to spill out all my anger and frustration on him and it was ugly.  I was ugly, really ugly.
He reminded me that when I purchased those chairs and we brought them home and didn't fit that he didn't give me a hard time.  He knew I felt defeated and was upset and didn't want to make the situation worse for me.  Even though I'm sure he had a moment of anger because he didn't want to purchase the chairs then without us coming home and looking at the table first and *I* had told him it was fine.  I don't make designing mistakes(yeah right...)  Wow...punch to the gut.  He was right.....
After all my fuming and anger I sat in the car to take a breather...and then Darryl comes over after I've had time to calm down  and tells me he chooses love...
This was all my fault and he's coming to me to tell me he loves me. 
I don't deserve this man...
Today is a new day and I've had my time with my Lord to confess my sins of not being the wife he's called me to be sometimes.  He forgives me and reminds me my slate is clean but to remember these moments and meditate on scripture like Colossians 3:14 when I get in those moments and  to choose love...

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